7.28.2008

Gloria Macapagal Arroyo's SONA 2008

Gloria Macapagal Arroyo's SONA 2008

"My fellow Filipinos,... I am a failure. I promised a lot in last year's State of the Nation Address that went totally to Malacañang's overpriced trashcans. I thought letting the Peso value go boosting up in such a short span of time would be the pinnacle of my rotting career as your president. But alas, due to lust for money, my skills and wit as an economist, once my only weapon against my fellow presidential candidates FPJ and Erap, has waned like the "bankang papel" parody that never made it to box office. Even my trusted advisers admit to this. It's a good thing, though, that there are only a few economists in this country- this horrible miscalculation had never made it to newspaper headlines. Good thing Congress is no haven for economists, either, so it may not be necessary to explain it here now.

Indeed, I am a failure, but it is true that it does not worry me just as how it seems it does not worry much of this country. There will be some who would complain, raise their voice, but would act not that much to go against the waves. Such is the nature of the Filipino- much to the benefit of those in control, of course.

What is the state of our nation? To put it in layman's terms- The Philippines today is like a patient diagnosed with the last stages of cancer and resulting complications and now is spending it's last days in a poor provincial hospital. I, the doctor, would say she has a 50/50 chance for survival, but the machines that operate most of her internals are just ways to cheat death. I promise those concerned, though, that there is still hope. "May pag-asa pa." People are witness to a big economic crisis today, though I gladly report that most of our kababayan still believe that we are in control, just as how much they believe those tax-funded TV and printed ads saying the government is doing a great job these days. The supply of rice will never go up as real estate magnates have already ruled over agricultural lands. The prices of gasoline will never cease to go up as we cannot anymore control it- though we actually can by careful re-evaluation and forced manipulation of tax policies and deregulation to benefit the masses- only that we won't as we fear the oil cartel people would cancel support on 2010. It would be like signing our own resignation, to which my husband, Mr. Arroyo, and the rest of the Macapagal-Arroyo clan would not be so pleased. Same goes to the World Bank.

We could at least tell the big oil companies to temporarily lower the prices temporarily before a big event that will give me good feedback, like... this State of the Nation Address. The people need signs of improvement in these trying times. And they will take a bite at it just like how the cancer patient would clamour for morphine for temporary relief.

My government will continue to be PRO-POOR (applause from the audience)..., though, as this political propaganda had worked since President Aguinaldo learned the term "politics". We learn so much from the cigarette industry- say "Cigarette Smoking is dangerous to your health." but continue selling it anyway. WE ARE PRO-POOR. We sympathize with those below the poverty line, so we give them the basic needs, at the most. We shake hands with them, hug them while brewing in mind a good government TV commercial or printed ad. We can't provide them means to improve their lives- free education, for instance. We can't even put more of the annual budget to education. We don't want more smarter and more intelligent people protesting in the streets or coming up with bright ideas that would threaten corruption as our way of life. How could we promise a bright future without the need for clarification (or making it possible, even) it if we do so? The internet and the texting industry had already done it's damage- the poor isn't happy with a simple "poso" on a street corner anymore- in the more developed areas like Manila's slums, though my advisers say it's still a big hit in the far provinces.

Today, I promise a bright future. I will not provide any more details than that as doing so, like last year, would be put against me anyway. The Congress whose minds now roam in the comforts of their haciendas seem not to be affected. I have my helicopter outside to bring me back to Malacañang safe and sound, so no need to worry about tomato-stains on my limousine and my hundred thousand dollar blouse. Though hunger and slow death by financial crisis would render each Filipino hate against the country's seat of power, let me assure you that my life is in no clear and present danger. Anyway, like any other day, my office had been saved thanks to the Filipino's unique skill to forget by being overwhelmed by other concerns to divert attention. Sulpicio still rule the sea transport industry amidst it's unpopularity; the Philippines will forever be a center of natural calamities and yearly panic and damage that it causes; and TV networks will never run out of numerous showbiz scandals and Pacquiao exclusives in their sleeves. Only a few notice this trend, and I thank these people who continue to support the government by dominating much of the brains of a great part of the Filipino population.

Mga kababayan, ang inyong lingkod ay mananatili sa pwesto dahil na rin sa inyong kamangmangan. Maraming salamat po."










12 Comments on "Gloria Macapagal Arroyo's SONA 2008"

Anonymous said...

'yan ba tLga ang speech niya sa SONA 2008??..

Anonymous said...

j0ke yan engot

Anonymous said...

you actually thought this is funny ? this kind of posting, other than garnering a number of views from your blog, won't do the Philippines any good even if your intention of publishing this just to generate a number of laughs. please be responsible in your posting next time, halatang musmos pa lang at walang alam sa kamunduhan ang nag construct nito. peace po tayong lahat at magdasal po tayo sa ikauunlad ng ating bayang Pilipinas.

Anonymous said...

paTawa ka!

Anonymous said...

ikaw daw(nagpost) mapresidente beh,lalim bah?...tma si commentator no. 3...it is not a time to joke...have a good and intelligent blog to post...

chuva on July 30, 2008 said...

hoy julia - tawa ko ng tawa.. pagamit nitong post mo ha?! :D

Anonymous said...

THANKS!!!

Anonymous said...

what a ridiculous speech..we are not looking for such an idiot fucking destructive speech..what we are looking is the real speech..we are not wasting our time for such foolish business.im sorry to be harsh. thank you.

Anonymous said...

NATANONG NIYO NA BA SA SARILI NIYO KUNG ANONG NAGAWA NIO PARA UMUNLAD ANG PILIPINAS.

REKLAMO KAYO NG REKLAMO, ANG TAMAD NIYO NAMAN

ABA HINDI LAHAT KAYA NI GLORIA KAHIT SI BUSH NGA NAHIHIRAPAN SA PAGMANAGE N BANSA NIYA.

DEVELOPED NA YUNG U.S. HA? TAKE NOTE!

KAYA BAGO KAYO MAG-ANAK NG MAG-ANAK ISIPIN NIYO MUNA KUNG MAY IPAPAKAIN KAYO PERIOD.

Ella on August 02, 2008 said...

"...halatang musmos pa lang at walang alam sa kamunduhan ang nag construct nito."

--actually, marami syang alam about the situation of Philippines kaya nya nasulat ang ganyan! Nakita nya ang hirap na dinaranas ng ating bansa ngayon!

"what a ridiculous speech..we are not looking for such an idiot fucking destructive speech..what we are looking is the real speech..we are not wasting our time for such foolish business.im sorry to be harsh. thank you."

---i don't think the post is ridiculous!
jokes like that nowadays are ways of expressing people's sentiments towards the government and sometimes a cunning way of sending a brutally honest reality!


"REKLAMO KAYO NG REKLAMO, ANG TAMAD NIYO NAMAN."

--MARMING TAMAD NA PILIPINO OO, PERO MARAMI RIN NAMANG MASISIPAG NA HINDI NABIBIYAYAAN NG GRASYA NG GOBYERNO!

"KAYA BAGO KAYO MAG-ANAK NG MAG-ANAK ISIPIN NIYO MUNA KUNG MAY IPAPAKAIN KAYO PERIOD."

--we are put in this situation now because people are not educated. bakit anak ng anak ang mga pinoy? kasi nga maleducado sila. bakit sila mal-educado? beacause of poverty. bakit my poverty? kasi instead na tinutulangan ng mga taong nasa itaas na umunlad ang kabuhayan ng mga taong nasa ibaba sila pa mismo ang nagtutulak sa mga ito na malugmok sa hirap.

"what we are looking is the real speech..we are not wasting our time for such foolish business."

---then why did you waste your time reading it and commenting On this post? lol! if you really want to read the real speech of GMA, then search it on YAHOO OR GOOGLE! am very much SURE you can find it there! phew!

IT'S NOT EASY TO BE THE PRESIDENT OF A COUNTRY...BUT MAKE SURE THAT WHEN YOU RUN IN THE PRESIDENCY YOU KNOW YOUR OBLIGATIONS AND RESPONSIBILITIES AND PUT IT INTO ACTIONS SO THAT WHEN YOU GET ELECTED HINDI KA MAKAKARINIG NG REKLAMO!


KAYA ANG MGA TAO NAGIGING GANYAN NGAYON KASI NAWAWALAN NA SILA NG PAG-ASANG MAKA-AHON PA ANG PILIPINAS SA PUTIK NA KANYANG KINALULUGMUKAN! ANG MGA LEADERS NA TINITURIN NILANG TANGI NILANG PAG-ASA, TINALIKURAN SILA!

Anonymous said...

wow maxado niu kinakarir mga koments niu ah..aw

Julia said...

State of the Nation Address Sona 2009

^more info here

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